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It’s been three months since my wife, Leslie, died. I find that these milestones have more of an impact on me than I expect them to. It also is really hard to believe that it’s only been 3 months. My poor brain has been through so many changes it feels more like 3 years. I get a kind of panicky feeling when these things occur. Aside from these temporal milestones, it’s sometimes triggered by doing some mundane task around the house that Les either used to do or relied on me to do. An empty feeling follows the realization that it’s just me now. I don’t mean to be dramatic. The saddest parts are always about me, not Les. I’m just trying to share what this is like.
I’m trying to find a balance between keeping myself busy but not so busy that I avoid feeling what comes up. I regret not spending more time drawing the figure so I’m trying to get myself out to Life Drawing sessions more frequently. I went to one the night before the 3 month mark, when I was starting to feel the panic coming on. It was a good thing to do, because, to draw well, I have to relax and focus at the same time, which can be a tricky thing for me to do.
My drawings are not very good and it’s clear that I need to spend time on drawing hands and feet, especially. I share them here as part of my process. I hope to attend these sessions regularly for a while.
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Bill Sharp - paintings blog 
bill these are really beautiful
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Coooool! It’s a good way to distract yourself with some other problem, like how the funk do you draw this foot!
Take care of your and your charcoal – Kathy
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Bill, You’re on a solo journey here. Nice that you keep pushing yourself along. Your life drawings definitely have life. They are interesting. Stay with it. If you need more venues, consider the Friday life drawing sessions at Troy Laundry in SE Portland. They meet at 3:00-5:00. i haven’t been for a while but if you are interested in attending, let me know, and we’ll go together. Keep blogging. It is good for your soul. And, it is good for your friends to know that you are still engaged. Jer
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Reblogged this on Oyia Brown.
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Hello Bill, I think these are lovely drawings, don’t be so hard on yourself! I especially like the second one, her expression is very nicely captured.
I didn’t realise that it has only been that long (short) since you lost your wife, my heart truly goes out to you, especially on these ‘milestones’. Losing someone so precious puts us in an altered state and I understand so well the dilemma of what to do everyday. Do we fill our time to the very last minute of everyday or do we do nothing? It’s a hard balance to get right because you are in unknown territory. Just do what you feel like doing at any given moment. I look forward to seeing more life drawings, they are really lovely.
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Sorry disagree… your drawing is great and amazing I understand your lost that impact your life and it is great to see you care. I feel for you and what one should say, but you should be proud of your feelings and you present your wife in living and doing what you good at. keep it going as are learning from you thanks for showing us.
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Hang tough my friend. Your work has been enough of an inspiration to me to persue drawing and painting the urban landscape in my own backyard of bucolic Cleveland, O. I hope to post when it’s more developed.
My thoughts and prayers are with you. I am so sorry for your loss.
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Hello, Fig, Thank you
Thanks, Kathy
Hi Jerry, I’d like to go to the Troy session some time. Thanks.
Thanks for the reblog, OyiaBrown
Nancy, thanks for your thoughtful comment. Next month is Leslie’s birthday, my daugher’s birthday and Thanksgiving, followed closely by Christmas. I’d really just like to sleep through til February.
Doronart, thank you also for your kind comment. I didn’t mean to imply that I was ashamed of the drawings. I hope to improve as I get more practice.
Howard, thank you very much. I’m flattered that you’ve found my work inspiring. I’ll bet there are some really cool scenes to paint in Cleveland. I look forward to seeing what you’re up to. I appreciate your condolences as well.
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Hi Bill. I am liking what you have done with these drawings. Figure work is always challenging for me so I think I understand some ambivalence in the opinion of their success. But I also agree that the discipline and work is well worth the effort.
And especially like the marker strokes in the background.
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You draw like a painter, Bill. Thanks for your blog, it helped put some perspective on my father’s death.
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Thank you, John. I’m gratified to know that you found value in what I shared. I send my condolences for your loss.
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